I used to love those “soup” books with all their warm fuzzy stories, but after a while they got a little mundane. Besides, life isn’t really like that for me. My life is not warm or fuzzy most of the time. Most of the time really weird things happen to me. There are no books for stories that would be a part of my life. My life is just too disfunctional.

So one day, when a man was on the hood of my car while I was on a busy boulevard and I had 911 on my cell phone trying to get someone to come and take him off, I came up with the idea of “The Black Hole of Luck Memoirs.” [Read more…]

As I drive home one day after work, I stop at a red light between a local college and a high school. I’m about five cars back in my two-month-old red SUV. I notice a very old Asian man on the sidewalk wringing his hands in a state of obvious agitation. I look over at him, we make eye contact, and I look forward again waiting for the light to change. Seconds later, my car shakes, and I realize in horror that the little old man is trying to open my car door (thankfully locked – with my odd luck, I am very paranoid.) After failing to open the door, he climbs onto my hood. He’s yelling something in his native dialect. Much to my shame, I am horribly mono-lingual, so not only do I not know what he is saying, I have no idea what language he’s speaking. I just know he sounds angry. He’s so angry, his spit is spraying all over my windshield.

Eww.

[Read more…]

Several years ago, I lost 70 pounds by dieting and exercise (don’t worry about getting jealous, I’ve gained it all back by now). My main exercise was bicycling. I would take off early on Saturday and Sunday mornings on a riverbed trail in Orange County, California, and ride to the beach and back, 24 miles round trip! I wore sweat pants and a sweatshirt over a bikini top and bike shorts. As the morning warmed up, I would take off the sweats and clip them to my clip rack behind my seat. The weight loss had gone to my head a little, and I enjoyed taking off the sweats and showing off my new thin body.

Well, you know what they say about pride…

[Read more…]